Beard Watch - Day 1

For starters, I plan on writing other blogs, this is a little side project I want to see how long I can go before I break down. I plan on shaving the neck and stray hairs.







Yes. I plan to do a day by day progression of my beard growth. Could be an awful idea, could be awesome. One of the circumstances where I may shave is my job. Money flow is rather important and until the barter system makes a come back I must keep one.

Enjoy watching my face become that of Matisyahu.

Nerd Rage

I'm what I consider a nerd. A boozing, sex crazed, jack ass of a nerd, but still, nerd.

While getting my morning news I found this amongst the crack of the Internet:









Ok, an unattractive woman made into a meme....why?

I continue to read on to finally find the reason why she is the focus of hate for. Bitch bashed on us nerds!

Here, just go read this, and you will understand.

I don't get. She's obviously single because she goes to bars, gets drunk, and STILL come home alone. Then, she further claims her singular lifestyle by creating an OKCupid account while still drunk from her buttery nipple shot. (I preferred Plenty of Fish, but hey - fuck off)

She then forgets to research the guy she goes on a date with and what do ya know? Dude is a world champion Magic The Gathering player whom also makes bank doing so.

She has a bad date :(

I understand that someone could overlook someone like this guy, but she writes for Gizmodo, a tech website. A website created for nerds, by nerds. That's a slap to their face. That's like me brewing beers but only drinking Smirnoff.

Baby Wipes

To my friends that are having children, this will be an item that will become part of their next years; baby wipes.





When they walk into the nearest big box franchise store and purchase them, baby in tow, everyone will know why. The calming texture is far easier on the unclean portions of their child. It will be a soothing experience for father, mother and child alike.

For me, it's different. When I bought a box earlier, the cashier, with her iron water washed dirty blonde, faded pink hair, lit up with delight.

"Boy or girl?" she excitedly asked.
"Boy." I shamelessly replied.
"How old is he?" the inevitable question came.
"26." ending the conversation with a puzzled look.

Babies shouldn't be the only ones that can experience this pleasure.


Sweet baby Jesus that's good

Yes. It's that good.

Time is short or is it?

I must say I am one that never fears death. In all actuality, I assume as long as I am not set ablaze or sawed in half, it'll be like falling asleep. What really gets to me is when you think about it, the average life span of a human being isn't enough. Ten years ago I was a senior in high school. Twenty years ago I was 7. In 20 years I will be 47. I mean holy fuck! I am almost at my life span's mid-way point, and that's not taking into account if I get t-boned by some dumb ass on their cellphone or die of cancer. Think about it, our solar system is Eons old and we are not even a blip in the big picture.

Anyone who knows me knows I am obsessed with anything that sports an engine. Certain engine tones make the hair on my arms stand, and the first time I hit 175mph in a car I was sporting a chub. Hell, the first time I stepped foot inside Indianapolis Motor Speedway I teared up, and I am not ashamed of it. Automobiles changed my life. It made me appreciate things that are hand crafted, opened my eyes up to the arts, and stop to appreciate every single ounce of beauty that exists on our beloved planet.

It also opened me up to one of my favorite hobbies and that is photography. Now I am no means even remotely good, but I enjoy it. There is something about capturing something (even if it is something photographed 1,000 times. I capture people, objects, nature, the way I see it in my eyes. With the help of a friend I came upon a rather expensive piece of photo editing software, and now I get to create my own art, which is fucking awesome! Think about it, whatever we do that creates something is an expression of ourselves. It forever captures how we felt and viewed the world at that moment in time. The pictures we take, the cars we modify, the bikes we ride, they are extensions of ourselves. Sure I don't really understand the Honda Civics with HUGE wings and under glows, but I guarantee it tells you something about the person driving it. I don't understand canvases with color splashed about, but I guarantee you it tells you something about how that person felt when they created it.

Art is everywhere, from the food we make to the buildings we build to the clothes we design. As people we have pushed our minds so far and the only thing I regret is not being about to see when people learn to use 100% of their minds.

Most of all I am thankful to have grown up in the age where the Internet took off, digital imagery exists, and cars and bikes for the most part still have a pair. And thanks to these things, though my time on life is rather short when you look at the big picture, somewhere, somehow, someone will stumble upon one of my pieces of "art", and because of that I will live forever in my own regard.

So go forth and enjoy your weekend. Take a breath of fresh air, try something new, paint something, draw something, take a photo and share it with the world who cares if it sucks? Here I am sharing my thoughts and my pictures and I don't give a damn if you read it or not. Keep in mind though, behind every locked door is a world of color waiting to be explored. Go live it because time is short, or is it? Leave your mark.

I wanna chuck this one out there... If you agree feel free to sound off...

GOD BLESS SEASONAL BEERS, AND GOD BLESS CRAFT BREWERIES! GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!

When Charles Dickens wrote Tiny Tim's heartfelt words "God bless us, everyone." it is my sincere belief that he was speaking of beer. He had to be, theres no drinking age in Jolly Ole, what the fuck else could he be talking about? His family you say!? Nay... Mr. Dickens was speaking of the ancient and perfectly crafted treat known as beer.

Now, to my point... Seasonal beers (or as i like to call them seasonal triumphs). I am a huge proponent of the craft brewer, is it because I root for the underdog? Perhaps. But mostly its because I would rather gargle Ogre piss than pretend to enjoy an "american lager" brewed by the big 4. It also could be the wide variety (mostly this is the reason) offered when browsing the craft brew isle at your local adult beverage peddler.

But, I must say seasonal's are my favorite. It must have to do with the felt anticipation each time the seasons change. Seasonal beers offer something to look forward to each year. I have chosen my favorite season based on my favorite seasonal beers, and that season is fall folks. I have had some delightful adult beverages in my day, MANY in fact but a lot of my favorites are only available when the trees go dead.

Dont get me wrong I LOVE beer year 'round too. Beer is happiness ask Chadles.

P.S. I concocted, scribbled, edited and posted this thing while en(TOXICATED)joying some seasonal beers...

Beer demand problem, solved!

Every night, at every bar in the world there seems to be a universal problem; waiting.

All of us can agree that the worse thing is having to wait on our beer. That can stem from multiple reasons; lazy bartender, packed bar, college specials, understaffing, and the rare douche bags that order incredibly hard drinks just because they're not the one waiting for an easy drink, like beer.

I've actually found myself waiting for up to 30 minutes to get a beer because of a packed house. Sure, my drink was on the house but I was still pissed.

From the title you're probably still asking "So, how does this problem go away?". Simple, with this!

EA games is trying real hard to lose business

It's shit like this EA is why people hate you.

Earthquakes prove 99.9% of Americans would not survive a Zombie Apocalypse

If you are a reader on the East Coast, good chances were you felt a nice little shake around 1:53 PM yesterday afternoon. I for one, was lucky enough to experience my first so-called "Earthquake". Now let's be honest here, Earthquakes more so than any natural disaster proves we are the bastard children of GOD and Mother Nature is our evil mother ready to keep our asses in check whenever she deems necessary. The sheer force behind an earthquake, the unpredictability, its exciting. But then again, I am a little bit nutty. Now much of the East Coasters who felt a shake or two (even those at the epicenter), experienced what was considered a "mild" quake. Evidently there is a Geologist out there, without boring you with geology terms basically said the East Coast is older, cooler, and quakes nowhere near as deep, so fret not friends, we should be in the clear.

What I can't quite get out of my head those is the photos and videos posted all over the web regarding first-hand experiences of those who experienced the quake, particularly those in Washington D.C. and New York City. These people were absolutely frantic. I am talking bat shit crazy. Listen, I know they are all particularly sensitive since the events of 9/11, and yes that was a tragic event and we as Americans were changed forever, but you know what, Hitler persecuted over 1 million Jews and you don't see them hiding in the shadows doing bookie deals in alleys. People were in the streets, frantic, crying, sobbing, and please feel free to add any adjective you feel necessary. Seriously people what the fuck are you on? I would just like to take the time to say thank you Washington D.C. you have now proven to China our balls are the size of peas and an invasion can be had by a mass release of rats in the streets, or dozens of cheap vibrating beds placed in basements throughout the city?

I mean seriously when did America go from the dashing young man above to such frenzied pansies found at the following link: http://media.katu.com/images/110823_dc_quake_main.jpg

Now I don't know about you but this bitch is one of the first to go in a Zombie Apocalypse. As a matter of fact every major city in the United States will fall, within days if not hours. I for one am proud of my small Eastern Kentucky heritage because even though I did everything I could to get out, when the Zombie Apocalypse does happen, I am running back to Mother Mountain's fresh vegetation and natural protection of terrain. Whilst everyone turns to walkers, us mountain folk will be fortifying our home front, drinking moonshine, and managing to live without power and television because hey, many of us grew up without it. The extra long winters from nuclear fall out will be a welcome change.

That's right folks I am giving you a first-hand look at exactly where you need to go in the event of the Zombie War, and that's Floyd FUCKING County, more precisely Prestonsburg, KY.......the star city of Eastern KY. Let me provide a link from wikipedia.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prestonsburg,_Kentucky

As you can see from any map the majority of Prestonsburg is surrounded by a river. Three blown bridges and you have closed all but two access points to town. The remaining two can be easily fortified and guarded with people along with a mountain to one side and river to the next. Directly behind the town is both a lake and a golf course (easily used for crops, fuck golf. Oh yeah, thanks Mountain Top Mining). But let's not forget the copious amounts of drugs running rampant to take the edge of the Zombie War, we make our own booze, and we have animals like deer and elk and shit. So if you are out there hunters, please head this direction.

Now a few things to keep in mind, I am all for inviting people to my home fortress but realize you will serve a purpose or find yourself bait on the other side of the river.

1) Bitches are welcome, but only for sexual purposes, fuck pro-creation. I will have a hard enough time feeding myself.

2) Hunters are a plus, the more accurate with a bow the better, oh yeah bring your fisherman buddies I am a lazy fuck.

3) 3-5 town drunks, hey we need comedy.

4) People with carpentry skills. We may not have a/c but nothing says I should get rained on.

5) People that can tend to crops for food and um, medicinal purposes

6) At least two doctors, preferably pro-choice

7) The man who invented October fest.(obviously)

8) No elderly, they smell already and we will eventually run out of soap.

As you can see those are the major requirements, I am sure there is more but I've been up since 3:30 this morning and I can't focus on this blog much longer. Keep and mine once we exceed an unestablished number, I will turn you away, unless your lady friend has a nice rack, then I will allow you both to pass, then send you back to the wolves.

So again, thank you New York, Boston, D.C. , Baltimore, and that random NFL rookie who ran off screen and made the most boring video currently on the Internet (Check Yahoo I am now too lazy to link things), for showing the rest of the world not only are we financial morons, but fucking pussies.

But most importantly, thank you for proving to our readers My Zombie Apocalypse rescue plan is sheer genius and please, for the love of Christ, let's all aspire to be the shirtless bad asses of our ancestors.

Douchebag Cat

A couple of months ago I decided to go the route of responsibility and buy a pet. Trying to show face and look like a good guy, I adopted.

I had had my eyes on a particular specimen. A 2 year old cat. His owner had passed away and he was older. Winner to me. For some reason I hate having young animals. I'd rather have a broken' in model.



The adopted feline; Parker. Or his full name Peter Parker Prometheus Popodopolous Mullins

Parker was awesome. Took him a couple of days to adjust but then it was simple. He knew where to use the bathroom. The red dot that would appear was meant for chasing. Furniture is not a clawing area. Kneading akin is wrong. Amazing animal...until.

My boss, and long time friend as well as fraternity brother decided he was going to take his vacation. But he needed someone to watch his dog.

Fear of the stereotype of dogs and cats, I wanted to do a test run tonight. The dog, Connor, was chill. Curious of his new environment, did a little recon of the small studio apartment I reside in. Parker, you ask?





Pictured above was Parker's reaction to another animal. My god I hate his acceptance of a dog.

After Flipper (yea, we call my boss Flipper) with Connor, does Parker calm down? NO! He kept sulking in the corner. After multiple treats and me petting on him and trying baby talk I picked him up like I usually do. His reaction?

Growls. As if I was Connor. Then, a flogging of paws and claws. After reading many articles on the Interwebs I have used this plan of action to avoid those shit brains at the ASPCA.




What we've had here is, failure, to communicate.

Are We the Old Guys?

Recently I attended the Blink 182 show in Cincinnati, while I was there I noticed a few things. Most notably the fact that its possible that I was the oldest person in attendance. Now I understand that Blink 182 has been around for some time now. And I am very aware that my freinds and I are not the only generation of fans out there. But, what the fuck happened!? There were kids walking into this show holding their mother's hands! These moms had no idea what was happening.

I've gotta give some kudos to these kids for convincing mom that she was chaperoning a trip to a Raffy concert. Now I understand that Blink 182 isn't the scariest music in the world (far from it). But I doubt that mom was expecting to hear a song whose only lyrics are "shit piss fuck cunt cock sucker motherfucker tits fart turd and twat". Let me re-phrase that, I KNOW mom wasn't expecting that song, because I was standing in the back and I saw mommy's face... She was standing near the nice man wearing an entire Ed Hardy outfit.... Seriously, an ENTIRE Ed Hardy outfit even a belt. Who the fuck does that. I think he was someones dad. BUT, I digress...

Next on the agenda... Spraying your hair because you're at a punk(ish) show. Don't do it. Its not halloween. Perhaps the fun in attending this type of show is not the show itself but the shock/embarrassment on your parents faces when they drop you off.

Also, I'd like to tell most of the kids in attendance that your mom is going to be super pissed when she finds out you ripped holes in your jeans on purpose just for the concert. Those are brand new jeans she bought you for school, and now you have to wear them like that for the rest of the year because you're not getting new ones dammit.

To the young ladies in the crowd, please stop playing tag, you're going to school tomorrow and you have recess right after lunch. I don't get recess, I have to go to work tomorrow, this is a Sunday and its the last bit of enjoyment I get to squeeze out of my weekend. So, please park yourself on mommy's blanket she has laid out in the back... you're allowed to jump around and act like an asshole when the show starts.

Anyway, my point is that these days the tweens have inherited the punk scene, as they have and will inherit everything else... Fuck it, at least the beer lines are short...

Whiskey...or is it whisky?

Being from Kentucky (and partially because of another Goon Squad member's post ) I decided to be a little informative on one of my favorite drinks; whiskey...or is it whisky?

Both are correct. Whiskey is used for Ireland and the United States. Whisky is used for Scotland, Canada, Wales, and other countries. On top of that, there's different types of whiskey; Scotch, Irish, Tennessee, Rye, and what's popular around my neck of the woods, Bourbon.

Whiskey has been around for literally thousands of years.
It started as a purification, like in medical treatments and perfumes. It spread through Europe, and when it reached Scotland things get interesting. This is also where me watching copious amounts of television on alcohols helps in me writing this.
(James May Drinks to Britain)

In the early 1700s, in Scotland, there were few grapes in Scotland so they used barley. And when they distilled the beer it came out at 200 proof and clear. Sounds like moonshine, and it was! Scotland decided to tax all distillers so a lot of them went "underground". They distilled in the hills at night to conceal the smoke from the stills. And the smoke shined off the moon light deeming it, moonshine.

Now, the now whisky is aged in barrels over 3-ever how many years they feel like it needs to age. And the colors from the barrel is where whisky gets it's brown color from. And the aging process brings down a lot of the alcohol by volume.

During the '20s in America, when prohibition was strong, only one pharmacy chain was allowed to sell alcohol; Walgreens. They were allowed to sell it as a cleansing agent for medical purposes. Much like marijuana today in cases.

I could go on but it would take me a book to write it.

Found this...

In Morehead! Fucking unbeleivable. Sharp looking Trump, brass details. I was impressed.

The Heart of Kentucky

Most days I dread being at work at 7:00 Am. It disgusts me when folks bitch and moan about how tough their work week is, and before they have even checked all their emails and scurried off to paid lunches, five hours have passed and I'm knee deep in shit. This is why I made the decision to pursue a graduate degree and differentiate myself from my competition. Will all this headache and hardwork pay off? Only time will tell.

Today is one of thos unusual days that instead of working, I have spent the last three hours on and off with a homework assignment. Trust me, these are a rarity if ever. I am currently breaking down the fine alcoholic demographic of whiskey, in particular Bourbon.

I realize I have spent more time on this assignment of any thus far this semester. Three things are for certain about this assignment.

1) My professor will now have proof I am an alcoholic and I no longer have excuses for late assignments
2) I know way too much about bourbon
3) I have to thank the heart of Kentucky, and my friends back home for educating me so damn well.

I need a drink, preferably on the rocks with a splash of ale. Happy Tuesday everyone, do yourself a favor and indulge in a new drink next time you are out to dinner. May I suggest something from the top shelf and of Kentucky Heritage. Cheers!

Think next time you invite me over

I plan on doing delayed pranks when I'm invited somewhere. It's been common in the last year that I've been dragged to house parties that I could care less being there.

It's not that I agree to go, then realize it's a lame party. It's I have no idea and end up there; bored and wishing I had booze to ruin everyone's time. So, in retrospect of these events I have decided a delightful plan of action.

Mentos. They are easy to conceal.

1) Slink off to the hosts' fridge. 2) Put a mentos in each cube of a tray of ice cubes.
3) Fill with water.
4) Return to freezer.
5) Smile.

Think about it. One day, they will put some ice in their soda. Few moments later, a great mess and they'll have no idea.

Dead Island

If you haven't heard about it by now the. It's obvious that you're way out of the loop on video games. Dead Island.

What started off as a teaser trailer in slow motion going backwards, sparking (quite literally) morbid curiosity has turned into a cult fascination.

The game is a zombie survival FPS/RPG. It combines the survival terror of Left 4 Dead and role playing and weapon crafting of Dead Rising 2 on an island where you, among other survivors are trying to regroup, and get the hell out of Dodge.

The game starts at night with a big welcoming party. Then, things turn to shit. If you have ever watched Club Dread then the game is that...season heavily with zombies.

The video of the gameplay horn at Quakecon revealed a lot for Dead Island. I'm not going to provide a link in fear Techland will pull a Bethesda and take down my blog on this. You can do that in between your 'fap' sessions to free online porn and laughing at pictures of cats.

Back to the video. It shows the character you've chosen talking to a few other survivors then out on her own to do whatever experience worthy quest she's been given. She then makes a baseball bat with nails sticking out of it and ventures into the zombie infested island. Unlike previous zombie games where zombies either stand around waiting for you, walk aimlessly, or rush you at Kenyan speeds. These flesh loving hipsters lay around until you get to close or do nothing. Few swings and it's all she wrote.

Shortly there after, our hero finds a truck and what'ya know, can drive it. Through zombies.

Opposed to writing the rest of what I witnessed, go check it for yourself. It's worth it if you love zombies, POV cleavage, and an array of slow and fast moving undead.

The game is slated to be released September 6, 2011.

Octoberfest

It's not even noon and I can still taste that delicious beverage from last night and crave another. Sam Adams' pinnacle of seasonal beer.


I'm no brew master, hell, I never even took a science related class in college, but whatever magic goes into making that begs to be appreciated.





Personally oversees Octoberfest and is suffering of a failing liver

From what I understand, a lot of bars and areas are not ordering any of this seasonal orgasm due to it's name;October. They believe that it's only available 31 days out of the year. WRONG assholes.

This beer becomes available for order early August and can be abused until November. I understand how some bar pull the 'but we still have kegs of the Summer Ale' bullshit but you are a business. Businesses run on the simple economics of supply/demand. The demand for summer ale is high during the summer months of June and July; then by July 5th every person that could possibly enjoy a beer wants Octoberfest.




Man wants his Octoberfest - denied by bar police

If it's available, go now and enjoy a nice cold draft of this mahogany, Carmel kissed brew. If not, riot. Seems to work in London.

*images taken from Google - searches of Sam Adams and London Riots.

Location:Laredo Dr,Lexington,United States

Back to School............Again?

It's that time of year my already dreaded daily commute turns into a small mixture of Hell. Students are back in session on all accounts, myself included. Morgantown, WV goes from a peaceful college town to one of the largest party schools in the nation. Even at 27 I will never look forward to this. My future demon spawn will only further emphasize my wish for a quick end when I become a part of the madness and no longer an onlooker.

Six years ago I started my last year as an undergrad. Three weeks ago I started my last year as a grad student. So much has changed, and yet so much hasn't. I still hate school with a passion but its ten time easier than work could ever be. The people who became my true friends remain just that. I've traded late nights that end at 5:00 AM to starting my day at 5:30. Going to bed before 11 is actually okay. But I still love cars with a passion, I appreciate a good beer (something I didn't do as a 21 year old), and instead of random women, I share my bed with the same woman, and I am 100% okay with that.

Sixteen years ago, Universal Pictures gave us one of Adam Sandler's all-time greats, Billy Madison. The story follows a second-generation rich kid who has done nothing more with his life than lay drunk by the pool, have sex with random women, and be a complete jerk-off. To inherit his father's wealth, he must repeat grades 1-12. Towards the end of the movie Adam Sandler's character kept his wits, and who he was, but realized there was more to life than getting drunk and waking up at noon. Now I set here at 27, proud of what I've accomplished, and grateful for the memories I made, but could never go back to the times spent at the Head. As I watch a new batch of incoming freshman pour onto campus with their eyes glistening with being on their own, along with the veterans loading up on the beer for their first party I think to myself, either by choice, or through inheritance, we are all forced to come to the same realizations as Billy Madison.

Skyrim

Yes, my first post will involve a video game. But is Skyrim just ANY video game?

No. Put on your shirt man boobs and take a hike. This is the game to raise the limbo bar of games.

From our favorite developers, Bethesda, which have brought us games such as Fallout 3 and Fallout:New Vegas, the up and coming Rage, the other Elder Scrolls saga, add to that with Skyrim.
They have completely changed the way open world first person RPGs are with some great additions. From what was shown at QuakeCon in the 40+ minute game play video (check YouTube;not going to have this blog shut down over copy rights) it looks amazing.

Yes, every time this video has been posted on YouTube, Bethesda has shut it down. With less than 3 months away from it being unveiled they want it to be as 'fresh' as possible'.

Seeing as how this is my first post I want to keep it short. More will come from me. This is just what I am completely excited about at the moment. That and beer....always beer.

School's Back

 All the kids are back in town. Traffic has been a shitstorm since Friday and today all the "bikers" were out. Sometimes it was easier when we were kids.

It's shit like this...

A pouch for a water bottle? Among all that luggage? Wonder how much that set em back at the dealership?