Appalachian Nation: One Hillbilly's Simple Message

September 23rd, 2011 marked the one year anniversary of my fraternal grandfather's death. I didn't think that the anniversary would effect me as much as it did. I spent most of the day coming to terms, something I thought I had already done, with the monumental loss of basically my only male support, a trusted and loved adviser. A man who I had spent more time with in my life than any other male role model, a grandfather who was really a father. During this reflection I began to think of my ancestry and what role my individual life is playing in the grand march of time. I began to think of the current situation that our communities are facing but more importantly the problems that have come to define the region in which we live.

Appalachia is a region steeped in history, a place that helped to weave the fabric that is America. Over 200 years ago our ancestors left behind everything they had ever known, with little more than the clothes on their backs, and set off to a new world filled with promise and hope. A place where they could be measured by their will and determination to survive, a place where a man, and probably more so a woman's, true grit would be weighed. Where they could redefine the stars under which they were born to what ever they wanted them to be. They left terrible situations in Germany,England, Scotland, and Ireland. All for the hope that a better life awaited an ocean away in a strange and deadly wilderness. They made their way into the hills of the United States western frontier (then) a region which reminded them so much of the places and people that they had left behind. Through disease, natural disasters, accidents (it is pretty easy to die of something small when the nearest hospital doesn't exist) skirmishes with natives, national wars from the revolutionary to the civil, and a myriad of other unimaginable obstacles these people fought and carved out a life from the unforgiving hillside. Their ancestors would go on to become some of the nations greatest and most revered artist, thinkers, innovators, and leaders. The history of Appalachia is the history of America.

However our ancestors could never have imagined that in recent times the dreams and hopes they held for the future would become lost, stuck, and drowning in the mire that is poverty, rampant drug addiction, environmental overstress, under-education and inadequate medical care. That their ancestors would become stereotyped through modern mass media into the roles of toothless, ignorant, incestuous, violent savages. They could never foresee the self defeatist attitude that would overtake the region and become the norm for most people in Appalachia. I don't have to sit here and highlight all the problems that face our people or really how we even got to where we are today we know it all to well because we live it. That is not the message I want to pass on to people describing what went wrong and what is wrong. Rather the message that I want to pass on to people is simply one of pride.

Take pride in the fact that you come from a stock of people who were some of the most bold, fearless, and inventive people of their day, not the ignorant lot portrayed in Lil Abner, on The Beverly Hillbillies, on Jerry Springer or the nightly news . Take pride in your home and land, keep the environment clean not just your little patch ( although some are so bad people could spend a life time reclaiming their own land unfortunately) and cherish the nature that abounds around us. These hills are some of the oldest mountains in the world, they contain one of the most bio diverse hardwood forest on the planet, and they are the direct connection we have to our past and ancestors. How many generations of human beings have lived, loved, passed, and now rest in these hills? Take pride in being a good neighbor by respecting others and their property and being an active member of your community. But most importantly, because all change starts here. Take pride in YOURSELF, take care of your life physically, mentally and spiritually. Refuse to be a stereotype, refuse to become a statistic, resist the temptations of self defeat the drugs, the cycle of dependence on the government and others, the filth that comes with self loathing. Stand up against those that don't have enough pride in themselves or their history to take control of their lives don't allow them to bring you or the community down further. We don't have to take what we have been getting lately.

You see we can stand up, one united Appalachia with our sights set on a better future for all of us and a more fitting memorial for our ancestors who we owe so much. We can pay our ancestors back for their intrepid, fearless pursuit of a better life for themselves and their offspring by living a life they would be proud of, by taking all of the good qualities and principles they shared and continuing to move forward into the future. All it takes is some good old fashioned APPALACHIAN PRIDE

Splatter-porn or: When Good Directors Go Bad

I have been furiously tearing through the Gonzo papers since last I posted, doing research for a future article on "The Ten Most Important Pieces of Gonzo Journalism"; it is slow going, as there are so damn many of them. Trust me when I say, however, that this is not a bad thing. For those not in the know, Gonzo is a form of journalism considered dead since February 20, 2005, when the good doctor decided that there was no more fun.

I digress: today is not about Gonzo or Hunter. No, today I want to talk a little bit about Dutch filmmaker Tom Six and his two most recent directorial efforts, The Human Centipede [First Sequence] and The Human Centipede II [Full Sequence]. This post is going to be split into two parts: the first concerning my thoughts on Human Centipede and what it meant to horror as a genre upon it's release, while the second will cover my initial reactions and musings on the reviews for Full Sequence just now coming out of Fantastic Fest.


The Human Centipede [First Sequence], written and directed by Mr. Six, was released on April 28, 2010 to much controversy; here was a film that told the story of a doctor so fascinated with the Nazi experiments during World War II (and centipedes...let's not forget that) that he kidnaps three tourists so that he can, "with 100% medical accuracy", conjoin them ass-to-mouth to form his very own human centipede (such subtlety in the title).

My initial reaction to this was "holy God damn shit, I have to see this movie!" I mean, c'mon: I came out of 2 girls 1 cup laughing uncontrollably at the fact that the hype and reaction videos didn't live up to what I saw. I went in expecting nothing short of something spectacularly vulgar that would change my very concept of how the world worked. Instead, I left with a feeling in the pit of my stomach that I had just been hosed on such a grand level, and that there was nothing on this planet that would make me look at things differently.

I had high hopes for Tom Six's masterpiece. The reviews were ridiculous, and everyone seemed to think that this was IT; this was the one that would change the horror genre, finally pushing it into bold, previously uncharted waters of disgusting gore that we had yet to see. What I got, though, was an absolute shit-film that has almost no gross factor to it all. And no, I am not going to go into a fully detailed recounting of what I bore witness to that night, but I will tell you that I absolutely do not recommend watching it; it is a waste of time. Coming from someone that loves film in all of it's diverse forms, that is what you call a condemnation of the highest sort. The only redeeming factor of the film was Dieter Laser, the man behind the doctor. He was superb, relishing his role in a way that only some bastard hybrid of Christopher Walken and Udo Kier can. In fact, if Platinum Dunes ever decides to give this the remake treatment, I hope they get one of these two to fill the role.


At Fantastic Fest this past week, The Human Centipede II [Full Sequence] made it's premiere as part of their midnight horror series. The reviews for it have been wildly varied, but two in particular, from two men that I tend to actually put stock in (since they tend to agree on movies and I almost always agree with them), are the only ones that I am going to pay attention to.

The first comes from Collider.com, and is written by Scott Wampler. Scott and I disagreed on the first Centipede (he loved it, I hated it), so I have a feeling that I am absolutely going to hate this one (he loves it). And this actually makes me a little sad, as he makes it a point of mentioning that this one is full of ALL THE THINGS that I was hoping for in the first one. The only problem I have with his review, though, and the thing that is sending me into watching this movie with a negative outlook, is that it seems that Tom Six has let what everyone said about the first movie go to his head. The whole synopsis is included up there in the link if you care to read it, but that's the problem: he sacrificed any semblance of a good horror premise and seems to have transcended into the almost realm of snuff. Having said that, I don't care either way for snuff films, but I do care if a movie is awesome/great/merely good/meh/terrible/fucking shit, and snuff tends to fall in that last category, with the biggest notable exception being Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust, which can not only be argued as being the first in it's genre, but also for establishing the found-footage film as a serious contender in horror (oh, and if you are curious, it falls under awesome).

The other review, from Quint over at Ain't It Cool (AICN has turned into a giant, steaming pile of dog shit over the past five years under the thumb of Harry Knowles, but that is neither here or there. Capone and Quint are both still worth following). Needless to say, Quint has all of the problems with the movie that I addressed above, and I feel a little vindicated in advance of watching it that we share some opinions concerning Full Sequence, and I haven't even seen it yet. I would post his review, but I refuse to support AICN anymore than I have to, so you will have to go over there and check it out yourself if you really want to read it.

I lost sight of the end goal in there somewhere, ranting about what a horrible travesty that Tom Six and his films are, but, like any person dedicated to film, I am going to make the journey back into his world to see this for myself. Fellow Goon Squad contributor Jordan Youmans and I watched the first one, and we are patiently waiting for this one to be available to us for final judgment, but I have very low expectations. Six is planning a third installment, but hopefully this one will be atrocious enough of a parody of filmmaking that no one will support him in his endeavors.

The Good Reverend's Vocabulary Lesson #1

 Thare quite a few people out there who throw words and phrases around because it's the "now" thing to say. Well, that's bullshit. One shouldn't use words/phrases that they do not understand. Drives me fucking banana sandwich. This is where I step in. Every so often, I intend to impart some vocabulary knowledge on our readership. Starting with a word that so many misuse.

 Brother/Brotherhood.

Brother, as defined by Merriam Webster

1

: a male who has the same parents as another or one parent in common with another

2

: one related to another by common ties or interests

3

: a fellow member —used as a title for ministers in some evangelical denominations

4

: one of a type similar to another

Brotherhood, as defined by Merriam Webster,

1

: the quality or state of being brothers

2

: fellowship, alliance

Now, sure, there's two more definitions, but I'm not concerned with those. Google that shit up if that's what you're into. 

What really gets me with this is that the guys who feel strongly enough about one another to call themselves brothers are the ones who don't act like ass hats in public. Should we acknowledge someone as a brother, you sure as hell don't hear the word "bro." If you respect a man enough to consider him a brother, you don't cheapen that title. We know where we stand with one another. We know what it is to lean on someone for help, to depend on someone when shit goes south, to be able to call someone after a while and pick up like you left off yesterday.
It's these arrogant assholes that are trying to feed off of what true brotherhood is. They want it, because they can't find it. They're all too shallow to understand it. The true brotherhood is mocked because if not, we have something intangible that cannot be bought, reproduced or mass marketed.

So don't call me your bro.



I ain't buyin' the shit you're sellin'.

Beard Watch - Day 23

Before you, dear reader, berate me for neglecting a daily post; I apologize. Being in the middle of a move amongst other life duties I have been incredibly busy.



Starting to fill out. It itches uncontrollably. It smells sometimes. My face gets sweaty. I love it.

Who You Gonna Call??

Sony Pictures announced yesterday that Ghosbusters will be re-released to around 500 screens nationwide. The movie will play for a limited time on three thursdays in October. You can catch the orginal sultans of slime on Oct. 13, Oct. 20, and Oct. 27.

Speaking about the re-release Rory Bruer, Sony Pictures’ President of Worldwide Distribution, said in a statement: “As we head toward Halloween, we ain’t afraid of no ghosts, but just the same, we’re glad that everyone’s favorite paranormal eliminators are on the case.”

Get your proton packs and popcorn ready!!!

Locke and Key

In the last couple of years, I've gone back to my roots for entertainment. I've always been a sympathizer for comics. Big reason why I've loved the X-Men movies, Spiderman, and anything else from Marvel and DC.

With the eruption of awesome that is, The Walking Dead , I decided to dive back into the depths of awesome. The roots where most of our entertainment comes from;comics.

I was like Bambi on ice. I was scared being back in a comic shop. Everything changed in the last 15 years since I've been in one. The new shop was great. The employees were very helpful and not like previous experiences.

After a year (and lots of money) they talked me into starting a new series; Locke and Key.

It's written by Joe Hill; Stephen King's son. And might I say, just as good as his father.

The books focus around the Locke family. Tragedy force them back to the family homestead across the nation; Key House.

In the house, hidden deep are many different keys. Each key has a special power when matched up with the correct lock.

Only 4 books are available currently, but I highly recommend the hard backs for a collection keeper.

Along with any great read, it's followed up with either an animated or live action adaptation. Check out the trailer for Locke and Key!

Sadly, the show will never see the light of day. This is very unfortunate as it would have made a #1 hit. But coming from Fox, the network that canceled Family Guy AND Futurama, Locke and Key must be amazing. If Fox Network were a doctor, they would throw away the cure for the common cold as well as AIDs.

It's here!! It's Finally Here!!!!!

Don't forget everyone this weekend kicks off that special season when kegs are tapped and feast are had!! Oktoberfest starts tomorrow!! When those from Germany and all adopted Germans celebrate all things Deutschland!! That means the awesomeness that is good beer,brats, pretzels, and hot busty beer maids!! I wont be near any formal festivities but that wont keep me from celebrating none the less!!! So grab a brew and join in on the fun!


ZUM WHOL!!!!

Life Is All About Perspective

"A penny will hide the biggest star in the Universe if you hold it close enough to your eye". - Samuel Grafton

It's pretty easy to get down living in our modern society with all of its monotonous, soul draining, materialistic uncertainty. However sometimes it helps to put things into the larger perspective. If you truly take a moment to slow down and give your mind time to rest the bigger picture can come into view. I have been interested in the cosmos for quite sometime, I have spent countless hours meditating on the mysteries of existence, reveling in the discoveries of mankind. Wowed by the new frontiers being explored by men and women far more intelligent than myself. Be it understanding consciousness, quantum mechanics, parallel universes, the search for black holes, or the origins of the universe itself.

Throughout the years with the more I learn and the more questions I have one thing has come to amaze me more than any other. That in a universe as vast and seemingly unending as ours, one that is thought to have existed for fourteen billion years,on a young planet (4.5 billion years old) in a backwater Galaxy in a undistinguished area of space there lives a young species (2.5 million years old) that has the capabilities to look out on all of the wonders of nature and ask these questions at all. I think that is a most glorious happenstance. That perspective gives me a sliver of hope that there are other species just like us out there wondering the exact same questions and feeling the same things as we are here on earth.

So when shit here seems to be too deep look out to the stars and know that our problems as big as they may seem, are infintely small on the cosmic scale and that simply being conscience is a gift worth more than any other. And if that doesnt do the trick well thank god for alcohol!


Hubble Deep Field view of a small part of the universe (those spiral shapes are galaxies)

You're standing over there, you're standing over there, and I don't know which way is up

You know who doesn't get enough credit? Paul Rudd. I mean seriously, this man is a comic genius and I am certain would have made a better Doug than Justin Bartha in the "Hangover" series. Think about it? Why else is Doug such a small piece of the puzzle? Obviously because Paul Rudd isn't mind fucking the shit out of you with his dry humor and rapist wit. Finally after all these years I realize there is someone famous that reminds me of myself. Think of the roles Paul Rudd plays. He's successful, only if you compare him to his lazy ass best friend. He always looks at the glass as half empty, and why the fuck not, it leaves less of a chance for disappointment. Up until marriage my relationships were always a disaster (dock another point for Paul Rudd's characters), and who can honestly say you don't expect me to take a picture of this magnitude when I'm 35?

Honestly, stare into this photo. The arrogance of posing in Playgirlesque fashion, with less than Playgirl looks, yet with enough cock in his walk to stare at himself in his lady friends mirror and say "that's right world, eat your fucking heart out." The similarities are uncanny.

Even more of a similarity is that of the friends Paul Rudd's characters team up with. I like to make reference to one of my all-time Paul Rudd favorites "Role Models". In this movie Paul Rudd plays Danny, a salesman for the energy drink Minotaur which places him the motivational speaker role to students in area schools (yeah I totally see myself telling kids how to make something of themselves). Danny has a less than stellar day and finally has a mental breakdown. The result? The company truck dressed as a Minotaur driven directly up the highschool statues ass (right on Danny!) Because of this, Danny and his best friend Wheeler (Sean William Scott) must do 31 days of community service at a Boys and Girls Club knock off. In a nutshell Danny is a miserable goddamn and Wheeler is a sex-crazed Goddamn. The result one fucking funny movie.

After a nice text from one of my closest friends, I thought it was time for an uplifting post. And who doesn't have the best friend who wants to do the absolute minimum (eat, sleep, and have sex) in life?

Thank you Paul Rudd for making movies that relate to me, and most importantly making movies I can relate your characters buddies to.

Mid-Terms are the devil and "Hey Wheeler she's tasting your beast!"

Further Observations on Low Budget Film

DISCLAIMER: This may get a little technical, but it is totally worth drudging through.

September 9th, 2011, saw sixteen new films open in North America. Of those sixteen, only four were truly considered "wide releases" (which means that the film premiered on at least 600 screens). Taking the top spot, Contagion opened to a better than expected $22,403,596, allowing Warner Brothers to already recoup a third of their budget. Playing on 3,222 screens, the film had an average take of $6,953 from each theater it played in. These are fairly impressive numbers for a release in September, which tends to find itself the dumping ground for sub-par releases.

The second widest released film from this past weekend was the MMA drama Warrior, which grossed $5,242,107 and finished third (behind Disney's powerhouse The Help). This is, by no means, a horrible opening for a movie that was made for $25 million: Lionsgate nabbed $2,805 from each of Warrior's 1,869 screens.

Adam Sandler's Happy Madison Productions (owned by Sony) claimed third amongst the new releases with Bucky Larson: Born to Be A Star; coming in at fifteenth, it only managed to pull in $1,415,023. I'm a little shocked, to be honest, with the amazing ad campaign Comedy Central has been running for weeks...

On that note, I have to take off on a rant for just a moment. Before I saw the atrocious TV spots for Larson on Comedy Central, I actually wanted to see this film. I mean, Grandma's Boy is hilarious, and it didn't do well in theaters. However, by the end of the first time I saw the bat-shit crazy commercial on Comedy Central, I wanted to run out into the streets and kill everything that drew breath. The inner Gypsy in me wandered what cruel curse has been bestowed upon me. I honestly looked for one of the ads to link in here, but it seems that fear of them making the interwebs violently implode has kept anyone from posting any of them.

...anywho, Larson opened on 1,500 screens and averaged $943 at each theater. Being a theater manager, this is the kind of film that makes me hate movie studios. These films have a taint on them that hurts every other movie playing in the same building!

Sorry. I really am finished ranting about Bucky Larson now. The only other thing I want to point out about it is that, even with such lousy numbers, it managed to make back a full tenth of it's budget. So, to review, we have three new releases that managed to make back 1/3 (#1 Contagion), 1/5 (#3 Warrior), and 1/10 (#15 Bucky Larson) of their budgets. Each od the studios involved are fairly content, knowing that there was no real loss in their investments. Sony has the biggest chance of getting burnt, but for every bad release Happy Madison puts in theaters, they have two or three that have returns in the HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS.

Finally, we arrive at this past weekends fourth wide release, Creature (Bubble Distribution). Coming in at 29th overall (there are currently 127 films in distribution across North America), Creature grossed $327,000; that's only $217 from each of the 1,507 theaters it played in. When you stack that up against the other three, this film seems like it is deserving of the Godzilla Facepalm. I mean, that can't even be 1/25th of it's budget, can it? CAN IT?!?

IT IS

Creature is a micro budget film, meaning that it was made for somewhere in the thousands of dollars. Generally, a studio doesn't have to release how much a film cost to produce if they spent less than $100,000 in it's making. Having said that, Creature did something that none of the other wide releases could ever have hoped to manage on their opening weekends: it grossed back somewhere between three and ELEVEN HUNDRED times it's budget. This is nothing short of phenomenal.

Before I go any further, I just want to make it clear: I have seen none of these movies. I do want to catch each of them, but will most likely wait for each of them to show up on Netflix before doing so...with the sole exception of Creature. I have no doubt, after watching the trailer, that it is probably a film better suited to the confines of SyFy (as I'm sure it will find a permanent home in their line-up in the coming years). Nor do I hold any hope that it is a good film: the point is, some people got together, made a movie, had it released nationally, and are reaping the rewards for their dedication. In doing so, these men and women have earned my money, and I fully intend for them to have it.

Coming full circle back to my review of Brother Tom last week, I do not want to see these types of films vanish. The micro budget film is quickly finding itself in the same boat with short films, and they're both struggling to keep it afloat. Support all forms of film, not only what Hollywood deems worthy of dipping their fingers in. My hat is off to each person involved in the creation of Creature: I hope that by this time next year, I can claim to be a member of your club. I also fully expect you to come see ours, if you get the chance. If we don't support each other, than why would any of us want to give it another go?

Metal-awesome

When it comes to art, I'm in the majority. If I see something I like, I can afford it, and have the space for it; I'll buy it.

My art tastes focus mainly on movie posters, stuff I've stolen I've found, pre-framed tattoo art (and art of tattoos I ended up getting, sports memorabilia, etc.

As I've aged and experienced more, I like to take consideration of bar decorations because of the comfortable feel I associate to drinking and old times with friends. One cool bar I've frequented over the last couple of years being Lynaugh's. Looking up to see many bicycles hanging upside down is always entertaining to me.

While browsing the internet's repost kingdom of Reddit, I find my new art obsession.

I definitely plan to submit a personal photo and have my likeness made into a metal statue.

Old Times

In college, there was a lot of time one could dedicate to getting drunk being social. Parties would start early, and sometimes, in good company, last until the sun came up.

As I got older, and let go of my clutch on college life; time for going out became scarce. Conversations over drinks became double dates and texts. Friends that I held as close as family, became once a year visits. A night of bar hopping became 2 hours at a 'not so busy bar'. 6 beers to get me drunk turned into a very expensive adventure to the liquor store. If I could get drunk and puke on myself at my age, I would consider myself lucky for finding the time.

Getting older sucks. But then I found this glorious educational video.

I plan to experiment with this profusely in the very soon future.

The Kids Aren't Alright

Yesterday during another soul draining day at the office I was once again, unfortunately for my sanity, forced to listen to a co worker ramble on about her kid’s soccer game tonight and how she was on the 10 year old all-star team last year (wow now that’s big time) and who beat who by how many goals and yada yada yada. This has happened on multiple occasions with several of my comrades in the office. But this time it got me thinking, aside from the usual, I don’t give a shit, about the current kiddie ruled world we now all inhabit and how much I fucking hate it.




It has now become the norm to put your child on some sort of fucking pedestal like they rule the universe and let them run rampant over their parents and other adults. For example you go to a restaurant and it’s a guarantee you will see some family with 3 of these little shits none older than 8 trying to order for their damn selves, while their self important parents look on and give themselves a big pat on the back for how independent their helping them to be. Meanwhile the waiter, I have been there myself, has to repeat over and over “look kid we don’t have kool aid here would you like something else” trying to ignore the fact he is treating a four year old like he is twenty five and all his tables are packed waiting for their fucking alcohol knowing this tip will be shit anyway. When all along the goddamn parents end up ordering for them like they should have to begin with. Or when you’re invited to a friend who has children’s home to hang out and the channel is never changed from the mind numbing psychedelic trip that is Yo Gabba Gabba! (Which would be fine if I had just eaten an eighth of shrooms...but we cant, why? fucking kids) and have to sit through endless “hey watch this I can twirl in a circle” shit, while again the parents rather than saying this is adult time and you need to go play, look on like their kid is Mikhail Baryshnikov.

I don’t have anything against children or families I just think they should take the Rock’s advice and know their role. What happened to children are to be seen not heard? I longed as a child for the day when I could become an adult and be part of the ruling age and my voice be heard. When I could drink copious amounts of alcohol, do drugs like a rock star, have reckless sex. Go to dirty dive bars, smoke cigars, drive excessive speeds on the highway, slap ho’s. You know the usual stuff kids of our era dreamed for when we escaped the prison of childhood. And now that’s here the script has been flipped and the kids rule while the adults pander.

Well I say fuck that!! Put them in their place, let them be children and when they are old enough to have hair on their balls they can order for themselves, watch whatever the hell they want, and do whatever else suits them. But for now they will bow to their masters just like we had too. And those of us who don’t have children with active social lives, expendable incomes, a spirit and zest for life still intact will do what we dreamed of when kids were kids. Getting into all the depraved and twisted debauchery adult life has to offer.

Beard watch - Day 7

Sorry about the lack of posts on this. I've just been really busy. I've been drinking more.

Here's days 5 and 7.




Day 5




Day 7...I don't look happy.

Born this way...

Since I posted about pop culture yesterday and I didn't talk about the good and creative things happening in the now, this felt so appropriate...

I can't say that I'm a HUGE Lady Gaga fan, I do however think she is brilliant even if she's annoying at times. I love high fashion and she is always in the category of outrageous. If someone would do my hair and makeup like that every day and I could get away with it, I would be doing the same. If my body was that tiny, I would be wearing next to nothing or the craziest things I could find. It's empowering and a beautiful way to say "fuck you." I love fresh ideas in music and she is one of the only artists these days bringing that to the table. She's ballsy and it's wonderful. I give her major kudos, so when I saw this magazine cover today, I think I fell in love with her even more.

Brother Tom Review

The short film is far too under-rated.

The blame lies in the hands of directors such as Michael Bay, Zack Snyder, and Gore Verbinski. And yes, before we go any further, let me go ahead and get it out there that I am a huge fanboy of Bay and Snyder (interesting fact: the two were college roommates). Anywho, these gentlemen have been delivering to us, on an almost annual basis for the past decade, films of such an epic proportion that short films have become a thing of the past. They still get made, and some may even find themselves getting the remake treatment into full-length features; more often than not, though, they just don't get watched.

Which is sad; shorts offer a director the chance to create a very deep, meaningful film without the need of a ridiculous budget. Case in point: Nick's Flicks latest short, Brother Tom. I had the honor of getting to see this fine film last week, but tonight saw it premiering at the Morehead Cinemas for the cast and crew (the second such time that we have premiered a Nick's Flicks short), which means that I can finally post my review for it!Toby Glover as the titular Brother Tom

Of course, I am more than a little excited to be doing this, for a number of reasons: 1) as a member of the team, it's free press. I can't even try to lie about that...2) this is the first "modern" production that I have had no active participation in. I had discussed it many times in the past with Nick [Johnson], but was not on set at any point...and 3) Brother Tom is an incredibly powerful movie.

In a nutshell, and sans any spoilers, Brother Tom is the story of a group of people that have lost their faith, for one reason or another; the titular Tom, though, is there for them when they needed him most, with his own outlook on faith. Through the course of the short (which clocks in right around 20 minutes), we learn a little about each member of this group, which is where the movie shines it's brightest. Nick assembled an excellent cast for this production, which is full of familiar faces. However, the introduction of Michele Breeze as one of Tom's followers brings an added bit of power; she absolutely owns the camera when she is on screen. In fact, this is really the first time that the cast for one of Nick's Flicks productions shines as a whole; in the past, things have always been lighter and more relaxed due to the comedic fare, but this is a wholly different beast.
Will Johnson and Michele Breeze

I highly recommend that you check this out when the opportunity arises. It's hard to believe that, in less than 30 minutes, you get more a more emotional ride than you could hope to find in most of this past summers blockbusters. Nick has taken the first step towards something great with this, and I am ecstatic that I am along for the ride, particularly with the upcoming slate for us: first up, the highly anticipated (at least by those who have seen More Than A Feeling and Plan B) finale to the trilogy of films that revitalized Nick's Flicks two years ago (in which I play the villain, Hilarity ensues), and secondly, the biggie, which, as of this posting, still has an embargo on anything I might say about it, so just trust me when I say it is going to blow you away.

Alright! I will lay off shoving Nick's Flicks down your throats, but only for a while: there will be plenty more in the future, but the next few weeks will see me trying to tap into Gonzo. The good doctor beckons, and I feel that I must heed the call of the beast and satiate it. In the meantime, the links for MTAF and Plan B above will take you to youtube, where you can watch them in their entirety; they are, however, only the links for part 1, respectively, so you will need to click over to finish them. You'll never listen to Chris Isacc's classic "Wicked Games" the same again.

Being drunk compared to sober

Over the weekend, I found myself at a wedding. Very tasteful event with an open bar.
An open bar with no limit.

I found myself in the usual situation I find myself in when any alcohol you want is offered for free and with a smile.




Somehow, I managed to keep a leash on myself and didn't get too out of hand...not until the DJ played Shout.

I told you this, to present the video I found today. A very good/accurate portrayal of being sober opposed to be drunk.

Re-watching, re-listening, re-reading...what are we creating?

Today as I was reading news with my noon o'clock breakfast, I was posed with an interesting question. Has our access to our past via YouTube and other sources made us care less about our future? I woke up thinking about the son I am a few weeks away from having and how myself, my husband and all of my friends think that if we could we would share nothing but cartoons of our childhood with our children. We are all in our 20's and early 30's obsessed with the 90's, 90's revivalists if you wish to term it. We get overly excited when Netflix adds seasons of our old Nickelodeon and Disney loves, we think it's the coolest thing ever when Pulp Fiction and other "classics" are back in theaters for one night, we still quote MTV from the good days of Beavis and Butthead and Daria, the majority of us were beyond thrilled to hear Blink 182 was touring together again and making a new album...we just have to face it. We are obsessed with our past.

I wanted to think for awhile it was just a "nerd" thing, but as I think about pop culture in America all I can think of in a mainstream fashion is reunion tours, re-formations, remakes, sequels, tributes and reruns of all our favorite shows from decades past, all of it good and bad is resurfacing constantly. Are we working on the death of pop culture itself? What happens when we run out of past to obsess over? Generations before us loved what they had, they reminisced about it, they still may think it's the best, but they still were awake and alert enough to realize that there's a whole world of creation there, a whole world of imagination that needed to be shared. Why does my generation think that we can't top what's been done? What has caused us to stoop so low as reality TV? Because of what we had, how it shaped our lives and how wonderful we still know it is, we should have the biggest imaginations and the most heart...but we seem dry and heartless.

I can't think of a society that has been so obsessed with the culture of their own immediate past and it makes me wonder if in 2020, we will all finally be burnt out on the 90's and revisiting the 00's and still not looking forward to what could be?

Until I have some sort of answer at the age of 32, I will be just as guilty as everyone else and leave you with:

"Stand firm for what you believe in until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember when the Emperor looks naked, the Emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing and there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza."-Daria

The Poet's Corner

This week’s topic: Urban Spoken Word

I am a major fan of poetry be it the classics like Whitman or modern day works like Angelou. But yesterday I started to think of a medium of poetry that is often over looked and it upset me that it rarely gets the credit it deserves, of course I am talking about the urban spoken word style. These works often tell the ugly truth about the existence that is modern day American life in the big city, sometimes with words alone other times accompanied with music. People tend to write these artists and their works off by saying they are mentally weak and anyone can do it. I say nay to that and present an excerpt from the highest form of urban spoken word, gangsta rap, for your consideration.

I have chosen the artist Spice 1 and his work “Born 2 Die”. Now many other choices would have worked, classics like Dr. Dre and his “Nothing but a G thang” or 2 live crew with “Me So Horny” or the quintessential 504 Boy’s “I can tell”. But none of those touch the heart of the inner city quite like Spice 1’s masterpiece. It’s the tale of a tortured man and his twisted mind, with guns that telepathically speak to their owner, copious amounts of blood and technical word play that would make Shakespeare blush with envy. The line “My granddaddy Mr. AR-15, said he was my only family shoot straight and please don’t jam me.” Cuts to the heart of family relationships with such intensity Keats would hang his head in shame. Another example “One for the glock, two for the clip, bullets in your ass make you hop and skip”. Written with such an original lyrical style it makes Dante’s work seem like jingles for a feminine hygiene product. Or my personal favorite the classic line on urban decay “AK spray beat your body as it lay on the concrete, die in one beat of the heart, seven day old ass body smell a little tart”. That’s just the tip of the iceberg with the depths this piece penetrates, it's quite easy to get lost in contemplation when listening.

What says you poetry snobs, still not convinced of the gravity and artistry of these street sages? Then I suggest you strap in to the roller coaster that is “Born 2 Die” and prepare to expand your mind. BEEEOTCH!!!

Rain Makes for shitty times

The above photo started an obsession, well actually it was the end of one obsession and the beginning of another. The day I uploaded this photo I knew that I was slowly losing passion for this car and the hobby in general. August of 2006, and it took nearly five years for me to bother turning the wrenches on another ride. Happily that day I fell in love with the photo itself. I combined four years of blood, sweat, long hours, late nights, and cash to create something that was an extension of me. But something beautiful happened that day. I realized the car alone didn't make a photo but the back drop itself. Now anyone who knows me understands I will have a life-long soft spot for the hills of Eastern, KY and this photo captures that. The view you see behind you goes for over 60 miles, 60 freaking miles, think about it? That is utterly amazing. Now less than one year after this photo was taken my car was nearing what I called completion before frustration set in and I started ripping it apart. Even worse, someone started laying the foundation for a house in the one and only piece of real estate I would have ever considered owning. Even worse, they didn't even build a porch to enjoy the view, what a bunch of assholes?

Now let's fast forward nearly five years later and my passion and drive reappeared. I spent 5 years polishing, cleaning, and making a car a rolling trophy. Fuck that shit, the real passion comes from turning the key, letting the exhaust growl, dropping it in gear and tearing shit up. Dirt becomes walking art, and obviously, saving for nice camera equipment is paying off in the photo department. This photo was taking at the 2011 Indy 500, and perhaps with a bit of liquid courage, I decided to see why so many people step away from Subaru's with a smile. I spent countless hours and plenty of broken knuckles trying to turn heads, and in one weekend, I got my thumbs ups, beers, compliments, and smiles from doing what a true car enthusiast is supposed to do, DRIVE!

I know its a rainy evening but for all you gear heads out there get out your favorite driving shoes, grab your keys, and give your car the ride of its life.

Nick's Flicks

Alright...

I'm a huge geek, particularly when it comes to literature and comics. Just check out my last post if you don't believe me.

Anywho, I'm even worse when it comes to film: besides managing the local movie theater and taking in as much film as I can, I am also a member of Nick's Flicks, which is essentially an independent, not-for-profit studio that is located in Morehead, KY, created by our very own Tarantino himself, Nick Johnson.
Nick has fostered and built on this dream for well over a decade, with it's origin dating back well over a decade, and in the past two years, Nick's Flicks has made leaps and bounds towards becoming something more than just a dream of Nick's and all of us involved. He just recently wrapped up post-production on a short (Brother Tom) that moves us out of the business of purely comic shorts into something more meaningful to each of us, something that heralds the start of a new era for Nick's Flicks.

Nick and I have VERY big plans for this dream of ours over the next six months, plans that, when they see completion, will see us premiering a project that is currently in development premiering at Morehead Cinemas for a one-week run. That's 28 shows over a seven day period for a film written, directed, produced and edited by a group of guys from Morehead, shot entirely in Morehead.

That's where each and every one of you, dear readers, come into play: if we have a successful enough run in Morehead, we can continue to show it, not only here, but in other theaters. That's right: we aren't just wanting to show this film in our hometown, recover our costs, and call it a day. No, we want to take it to other theaters, and get it out there for everyone to witness; we want to inspire other local and independent filmmakers by showing them that hey, if you just do it, you're doing it right. Don't sit on an idea and let it fester: see it through to the end.

Over the next few months, I will be posting interviews, behind the scenes videos, and all other sorts of news regarding Nick's Flicks and our project(s). I don't want to say too much this early on, but I promise you this: when this hits, you will be presently surprised. Big things are in the works, and I, for one, cannot wait. This blog meets half my dream, which is obviously to write. Nick and I, on the other hand, are working on the other half, the one that I never thought I would see realized on such a large scale.

Until then, though, you should definitely check out our website, www.nicks-flicks.com. You will not regret it.

Beard Watch - Day 4

Beard Watch - Day 3

The Good Ole' Days

Simpler times.

Whisker Wars: An American Tale of Awesome

IFC’s series Whisker Wars provides an interesting look into the quirky, intense, and often hilarious world of competitive beard growing, known as bearding to those who follow the sport (competitors refer to themselves as athletes). No other sport offers the cast of characters that the world of competitive bearding does. The show follows several of the sports top beardsmen as they travel to different bearding competitions throughout the United States, hoping for a chance of being invited to join Beard Team USA and a shot for a world championship at the pinnacle of beard competitions in Norway.

The shows main attraction is Jack Passion and his incredible face mane, a man with a beard that would surely make Gimli commit Seppuku on site of it. The two-time World Champion Passion is sort of like the Deion Sanders of the bearding world, a man with an exquisite gift for growing, smack talk, and selling his brand. Jack is determined to take bearding mainstream and become the first professional beardsman, even authoring a comprehensive book on facial hair. Accompanying Jack is his mentor and Beard Team USA captain Phil Olsen one of the most experienced beardsmen in the nation, a man with a not to shabby beard himself aside from the painfully obvious just for men treatments. Phil also shares Passion’s goal of moving the sport into the more profitable main stream, this accompanied with his increasingly blatant favoritism toward Passion threatens to tear Beard Team USA apart.

The series also follows the men of the Austin Facial Hair Club (AFHC), an assortment of some of the sports top beardsmen as well as all around interesting and off the wall characters. Consisting of Bryan Nelson, Allen Demling, Alex LaRoche, and Miletus Callahan the Austin Facial Hair Club presents the biggest challenge to Jack Passion and his goal of turning completive bearding in to a more lucrative financial endeavor. These men represent their state to the fullest embracing all the great weirdness and individualistic fervor that is Texas while at the same time preserving the true heart of American bearding. Bryan Nelson the clubs stalwart leader stands as the clubs best chance of dethroning passion in the Full Beard Natural Category, and has become the bane in the champs side. Nelson who takes pleasure in thwarting and ridiculing Passion has been mulling the clubs options, in the spirit of their beloved Texas, to secede from Beard Team USA. Disputes with Beard Team USA captain Phil and how he manages the team has led the AFHC to field competitors in every major category in order to hedge their bets at besting Passion. Will this destroy Beard Team USA? Only time will tell.

The show also features a cast of up and coming beadsmen who are making a name for themselves across the country but none more than Aarne Bielefeldt, a European immigrant with a Gandalf like beard who represents the old world as well as new. With wins at the 2010 Nationals in the full beard natural competition, which featured Jack Passion as a MC rather than competitor, and the Texas National Championships over Passion he has quietly emerged as a fan favorite and the leading contender to take the world crown from Passion. This bearding season has the makings to be one of the most brutal, cutthroat, and epic ones of all time (granted I have never known of another) as the Americans embark on a journey for world conquest. Whisker Wars is a must see for those of us who prefer to walk on the weird side of life or those Hank Hill types who just like to see what those other bastards are up too. It also happens to be one of the most unique shows on television and highlights some of the best original qualities of American life.

So what the fuck are you waiting for? LET THE BEARDING BEGIN!!!

What I always think of...

when the newest Goon at G.S. introduced himself...

Big Dan T.! Blessed with the gift of gab. Like the rest of us.

And now, for something completely different...

Everyone knows that I am an avid reader.

Hell, that's putting it lightly. I love a good book more than just about anything in this world. Really, it's an addiction that comes with wanting to be a writer. At any given time, I have three novels in reserve, so that upon completion of my lastest adventure I need not stagnate as I struggle to find the follow-up.

What follows is a list of 10 novels that have influenced me and my writing style. It also serves the double purpose of being a list of recommendations for you to consider if you ever find yourself desiring a good read. I guess you can call it my Top Ten list.

10. Stephen King - The Green Mile (1996) : There's just too much to be said about the king of horror. In twenty years, he will be looked back on as the most important author in the genre. This story, though, steps outside of horror, and leaves you emotionally fucked once it's all said and done. it's a one-time read, though, as you probably won't want to subject yourself to this kind of emotional rape again.

09. Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters (1999) : I love all of Palahniuk's books. HOWEVER, Invisible Monsters is one that just feels personal, being as it deals with something we all have.

08. Hunter S Thompson - Hell's Angels (1966) : The only author on this list to hold two spots, Hunter (and yeah, I think he'd be alright with me calling him that. My left arm is a tribute to the good Doc) ran with the notorious biker gang for a year, and almost lost his life at their hands before it was all said and done. An intense read that set Thompson on the path to greatness that he was destined for.

07. Tom Wolfe - The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test (1968) : A first-hand tale of what it was like to be with the Merry Pranksters from start to end, encompassing their discovery of acid, the rise of the Grateful Dead, and the bus ride from California to the east coast. A truly epic look at one of the most important decade in history.

06. Ken Kesey - One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1962) : The movie is wonderful, but the novel is something on an entirely different level of the tower. A tale of friendship in the confines of a mental hospital, the second novel on this list that I can't forsee picking up for a second read due to the emotion poured into the ending.

05. F Scott Fitzgerald - The Great Gatsby (1925) : The original twist ending. This is one book that has quietly fallen off the radar, and for no good reason.

04. Hunter S Thompson - The Rum Diary (1998) : Call it playing favorites, but The Rum Diary was Hunter's attempt to write the next great American novel. This story is full of Fitzgeraldian influence, and reads like a poor mans Great Gatsby, but leaves you feeling like life ain't so shitty.

03. Ayn Rand - The Fountainhead (1943) : Rand's tale of rugged individualism is one that will stand the test of time. Howard Rourke is the man that every male child strives to be, but breaks before he ever gets the chance to acheive that goal.

02. Robert A Heinlein - Stranger In A Strange Land (1961) : This novel has sat on my bookshelf for years, and once I finally got around to perusing it, I became fully engrossed and discovered that it IS possible to express my opinions and views on God, laughter, and life in general. I generally hate science fiction books, but if there were a patron saint of the genre, it's Heinlein.

01. Alan Moore - Watchmen (September 1986 - October 1987) : Yes. A graphic novel holds the top spot on my list, and I'm confident that there is absolutely nothing that will ever take it's place. I can't say enough about Watchmen to give it the credit it deserves, so I shant even try here. All I can say is that it is a MUST read.

A few notes on the list: I refused to allow the Dark Tower series to enter consideration, as it would have taken up seven of the spots. HP Lovecraft recieved no love since he wrote short stories, although he was responsible for the Cthulu mythos. Hunter could fill a list of ten all by himself, which gives me an idea for a later note. Atlas Shrugged, another Rand novel, will probably find it's way on to this list at a later date, once I take the time to read it (sorry Stephen King).

Beard Watch - Day 2

It's already starting to itch.

Pass Go, Collect 200 caps

I love Fallout. The entire series. Since I was a kid when the first of the series was released, I became obsessed.

Years pass, and my love for video games dwindled. My PC was reserved for porn homework. My TV was used for porn documentaries to help me in bed class.

Then the day came. I saw the first trailer for Fallout 3. It had already been released. I had been watching so much porn studying so much, I had no idea. Same day I purchased a 360 and Fallout 3.

That among other games hooked me fast. In all the desolation of the wasteland of Fallout 3 an New Vegas the thought of owning property was there, but wasting money and competing for land? And here??





Behold! Monopoly Fallout! I about crapped my pants when I saw this.