IFC’s series Whisker Wars provides an interesting look into the quirky, intense, and often hilarious world of competitive beard growing, known as bearding to those who follow the sport (competitors refer to themselves as athletes). No other sport offers the cast of characters that the world of competitive bearding does. The show follows several of the sports top beardsmen as they travel to different bearding competitions throughout the United States, hoping for a chance of being invited to join Beard Team USA and a shot for a world championship at the pinnacle of beard competitions in Norway.
The shows main attraction is Jack Passion and his incredible face mane, a man with a beard that would surely make Gimli commit Seppuku on site of it. The two-time World Champion Passion is sort of like the Deion Sanders of the bearding world, a man with an exquisite gift for growing, smack talk, and selling his brand. Jack is determined to take bearding mainstream and become the first professional beardsman, even authoring a comprehensive book on facial hair. Accompanying Jack is his mentor and Beard Team USA captain Phil Olsen one of the most experienced beardsmen in the nation, a man with a not to shabby beard himself aside from the painfully obvious just for men treatments. Phil also shares Passion’s goal of moving the sport into the more profitable main stream, this accompanied with his increasingly blatant favoritism toward Passion threatens to tear Beard Team USA apart.
The series also follows the men of the Austin Facial Hair Club (AFHC), an assortment of some of the sports top beardsmen as well as all around interesting and off the wall characters. Consisting of Bryan Nelson, Allen Demling, Alex LaRoche, and Miletus Callahan the Austin Facial Hair Club presents the biggest challenge to Jack Passion and his goal of turning completive bearding in to a more lucrative financial endeavor. These men represent their state to the fullest embracing all the great weirdness and individualistic fervor that is Texas while at the same time preserving the true heart of American bearding. Bryan Nelson the clubs stalwart leader stands as the clubs best chance of dethroning passion in the Full Beard Natural Category, and has become the bane in the champs side. Nelson who takes pleasure in thwarting and ridiculing Passion has been mulling the clubs options, in the spirit of their beloved Texas, to secede from Beard Team USA. Disputes with Beard Team USA captain Phil and how he manages the team has led the AFHC to field competitors in every major category in order to hedge their bets at besting Passion. Will this destroy Beard Team USA? Only time will tell.
The show also features a cast of up and coming beadsmen who are making a name for themselves across the country but none more than Aarne Bielefeldt, a European immigrant with a Gandalf like beard who represents the old world as well as new. With wins at the 2010 Nationals in the full beard natural competition, which featured Jack Passion as a MC rather than competitor, and the Texas National Championships over Passion he has quietly emerged as a fan favorite and the leading contender to take the world crown from Passion. This bearding season has the makings to be one of the most brutal, cutthroat, and epic ones of all time (granted I have never known of another) as the Americans embark on a journey for world conquest. Whisker Wars is a must see for those of us who prefer to walk on the weird side of life or those Hank Hill types who just like to see what those other bastards are up too. It also happens to be one of the most unique shows on television and highlights some of the best original qualities of American life.
So what the fuck are you waiting for? LET THE BEARDING BEGIN!!!
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