The Kids Aren't Alright

Yesterday during another soul draining day at the office I was once again, unfortunately for my sanity, forced to listen to a co worker ramble on about her kid’s soccer game tonight and how she was on the 10 year old all-star team last year (wow now that’s big time) and who beat who by how many goals and yada yada yada. This has happened on multiple occasions with several of my comrades in the office. But this time it got me thinking, aside from the usual, I don’t give a shit, about the current kiddie ruled world we now all inhabit and how much I fucking hate it.




It has now become the norm to put your child on some sort of fucking pedestal like they rule the universe and let them run rampant over their parents and other adults. For example you go to a restaurant and it’s a guarantee you will see some family with 3 of these little shits none older than 8 trying to order for their damn selves, while their self important parents look on and give themselves a big pat on the back for how independent their helping them to be. Meanwhile the waiter, I have been there myself, has to repeat over and over “look kid we don’t have kool aid here would you like something else” trying to ignore the fact he is treating a four year old like he is twenty five and all his tables are packed waiting for their fucking alcohol knowing this tip will be shit anyway. When all along the goddamn parents end up ordering for them like they should have to begin with. Or when you’re invited to a friend who has children’s home to hang out and the channel is never changed from the mind numbing psychedelic trip that is Yo Gabba Gabba! (Which would be fine if I had just eaten an eighth of shrooms...but we cant, why? fucking kids) and have to sit through endless “hey watch this I can twirl in a circle” shit, while again the parents rather than saying this is adult time and you need to go play, look on like their kid is Mikhail Baryshnikov.

I don’t have anything against children or families I just think they should take the Rock’s advice and know their role. What happened to children are to be seen not heard? I longed as a child for the day when I could become an adult and be part of the ruling age and my voice be heard. When I could drink copious amounts of alcohol, do drugs like a rock star, have reckless sex. Go to dirty dive bars, smoke cigars, drive excessive speeds on the highway, slap ho’s. You know the usual stuff kids of our era dreamed for when we escaped the prison of childhood. And now that’s here the script has been flipped and the kids rule while the adults pander.

Well I say fuck that!! Put them in their place, let them be children and when they are old enough to have hair on their balls they can order for themselves, watch whatever the hell they want, and do whatever else suits them. But for now they will bow to their masters just like we had too. And those of us who don’t have children with active social lives, expendable incomes, a spirit and zest for life still intact will do what we dreamed of when kids were kids. Getting into all the depraved and twisted debauchery adult life has to offer.